BBC film “kids in the middle” confirms that in truth mum has all the power.

On the 4th of April 2012 the BBC broadcast a programme called “kids in the middle”, I watched it with some sadness ,but it also confirmed to me that mums have all the power and dad’s have very little. link below.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01fkc7s/Kids_in_the_Middle/

It is the bittersweet story of Keith and Dawn who have three children, from the start you quickly come to realise that both parents equally and genuinely love their children with all their hearts. However, it soon becomes apparent that Dawn’s love is given greater attention and consideration, by the Family courts, than Keith’s love for his kids. Keith is not accused of harming his children he seems to be a kind and gentle father who is stricken with the fear of losing contact with his children, so fearful in fact he seems quite willing to be debased and belittled by a system, that evidently, is giving Dawn all the power over him and to suggest how often and in what circumstances Keith has contact with the ones he loves.

The level of contact Keith is given is derisory and ultimately will be damaging to the relationships he has with his 3 children. He sees his children in a contact centre once hour every 2 weeks for one hour where he is closely observed by the staff. In one scene a staff member questions Keith in front of his children about what he is doing with a computer he is showing to his children.  Like a child he is firmly informed that it will be alright on the condition that he doesn’t go on the internet and to be careful about what he does with it, he is humiliated as though he couldn’t be trusted to be with his kids and to be a good father for them. I found this shocking and cruel, but I know that such lack of attention and care is afforded to fathers in some of these contact centres, I have been to some.

The programme suggests that the reason as to why these contact centres need to be used is when parents cannot reach agreement about the children, and so in these circumstances dad, and not mum, will need to go to a contact centre. Therefore, it would seem then that the default position in these circumstances ,when parents can’t agree, is that mum gets what she wants! After all she is the resident parent and her rights seem to take precedent in the courts when disagreement takes place, and dads will have to take the back seat, humble themselves and accept the dregs of whatever is handed to them. Keith was in a no-win situation and he knew it too, but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him.

Yes I am a man and father, you could suggest I am biased in favour of fathers, but after seeing this film it would be impossible to suggest that fathers have equal rights to that of mothers, how could we have when 93% of custody awards are given to the mother and this surely gives mothers all the power to do as they please. I admit it is a great shame that I mention the word “power” in such a context as children as though that was the holy grail to obtain for either parent, it isn’t, but unfortunately when a father knows that they don’t have one ounce of say in their children’s lives, you just come to know that you are indeed powerless to do a thing about it!

The video that you just have to see if you genuinely love your child!

I have just watched a video at ‘Utube’ entitled “equal shared parenting”, by someone who has the tag name of “yousuckatparenting”. I am sure the tag name he uses is meant in a paradoxical way, in that he indeed knows he is a good father and parent, but has made to feel that he isn’t by the family courts. I urge you to go and look at this video, in fact I order you to(with respect) Link directly below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5No-XixoT0c

I was stunned and struck by the wisdom and common sense found in this video, and now it is my privilege to try to promote it as best I can. The message is one of informing warring parents that the Family Courts are not the place to entrust the interests of their children and in fact in doing so the situation will only get worse. I second this advice for it is indeed true and demonstrable by experience.

I have experienced, to my emotional cost, that what this remarkable film is saying is truthful. That yes the courts will encourage you to fight and to squabble, and all this eagerly promoted by the lawyers and barristers who are financially advantaged by the longevity of the case… the longer it lasts, the more they get paid!

I have seen enough of the heart-break and severe emotional turmoil that poor parents have gone through at the hands of these so-called ‘caring courts’, that are supposed to make sure that the “welfare of the child is paramount”. An empty expression, wooly and directionless and easily misapplied to mean just about anything a judge wants it to mean. It has been applied to the detriment of our children, on the basis of the above words Judges have sentenced many children to a life without a loving father, all on the hunch of some unproven accusation, that is possibly a lie from the alienating parent, usually the mother, but not always.

All I can say is that I wish that all parents could see this video and apply its counsel and put the emphasis on the child as it suggests and be prepared to put aside their grievances and selfish wants in a spirit of peace and harmony…. all for the sake of your child.

For Gods sake, I ask all parents out there if you genuinely love your child, don’t go to the Family courts, sit down and talk about putting your child first, in that way you will be putting its future first as well.

(I thank QV for directing me to the video in question, please, you should all see it.)

More charlatans queue up for the gravy train. (part 2)

On my last blog posting I wrote a piece entitled “Charlatans who pretend to be experts”. Little did I know how even more pertinent, timely and serious this issue would become.

Today the Daily Mail has again drawn the publics attention to how these so-called “experts” are literally destroying families and actively in the process of tearing apart innocent people’s reputations. So, why are some psychologists, psychiatrists and even every day doctors queuing up to make false allegations against people who have done absolutely nothing wrong to their children? Why would they be accusing and fabricating evidence, even against the most respected and blameless and distinguished in our society? One would think that surely they wouldn’t have the nerve to do this, would they… would they? However, something is pushing them along, something that makes them lie and cheat, a strong motivator. This very active mental motivator helps them to make up stories and to even knowingly accuse ones of having serious personality disorders when they know that it can’t possibly be true, since many of their victims were never seen or assessed by them and never even met the expert. So what is the evil that motivates them to act in this terrible despicable manner? As I mentioned in my previous blog posting the answer is… Money! As we all know “money makes the world go round”, so the famous song says. But for these quacks to make their living like this and to make vast sums of money while destroying children’s lives and those of their parents cannot be justified, it borders on the evil!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2121886/The-experts-break-families-The-terrifying-story-prospective-MP-branded-unfit-mother-experts-whod-met–nightmare-shared-families.html

Charlatans who pretend to be Experts

After reading a Daily Mail Article of 13th of March 2012, header:.. “Scandal of ‘unqualified’ experts who advise our family courts: Decisions about the care of thousands of children routinely flawed.” … you might have imagined that I would have been shocked at such a state of affairs existing, but you know what, I wasn’t! I have had some first hand experience in the presence of some of these arcane charlatans and because of this the Mail article had few surprises up its sleeve for me. Of course not all experts appointed by the Family Courts can be categorized in this way, some adhere to a code of honest practice and they allow their conscience to help in making a fair and honest assessment. But, even then it is a highly risky business to sit in judgement over the future happiness of a parent who seeks to maintain contact with his or her child, such a responsibility would make the likes of mere mortals shudder, myself included! I mean, just how sure do they have to be before advising the court that a parent should now be disqualified from seeing their child?

For example, psychology is not an exact science, the mind is not something that can be clearly seen, as you would a road map, nor is it a rotten tooth that can easily be defined by its decay and then extracted. psychologists have no magic wand to be waved giving absoluteness in the decision-making process, at best it is purely educated guess-work, and at worst… (given the appalling details in the daily Mail)…  an intentional way to mislead and to falsely suggest that they know their area of expertise to such a high degree that the diagnosis is sure and definite, a way to boost their ego and future job prospects, why do I say this? I’ll let the Daily Mail answer that one for me:…”Some of the most startling results were the sheer number of expert psychologists . . . who are reporting that their entire job is the production of assessment reports for the courts”  Given that the Daily Mail reports, (and suggests) that money is a main factor involved in their decision-making, it goes on further to say: “Often, these professional experts – who rake in thousands of pounds in fees from the chaotic family courts system – have not practised for years, leaving them out of touch with developments in their field” 

Yes, as is often the case, money is the gravy train that attracts many of these charlatan experts to the work that is so nonchalantly given out by Family court judges. It would seem that these pretend experts have a propensity to come to negative decisions for many poor innocent parents that are highly suspect and down right wrong and somehow, in their thinking, leads to them to obtaining more even gravy from the hand that feeds them, the courts. Even though these assessments have been suggested to be false and inaccurate, many judges have still decided to allow them into evidence, putting parents in a no-win situation.

One more thing before I go. As we know the courts are closed and proceedings are secret to all not involved in the case. Because of this parents are even prevented genuine access in complaining (about these so-called “experts”), to such as the HPC (Health Professions Council) because when they do they will have to get court permission to actually disclose their own Psychological assessments to the HPC, before they will even consider such a complaint! Get out of that one if you can! The system is obviously stacked against innocent parents and they are left with no-one to turn to, not even the watchdogs that are supposed to be there to protect them from these vultures. If you are made to go and see any experts, psychologists, psychiatrists or clinicians of any type, you need to make sure that you see one that you yourself have sought and then get your solicitor to suggest them to the court. In this way you can make sure, to some degree, that you can avoid the ones mentioned in the Daily Mail article, the Charlatan experts. They will surely claim that you have some condition or other, that you never ever dreamed you had. Never ever agree to see the ones appointed directly by the courts or by such as Cafcass. In conclusion I suggest you hit the link below to the article I have mentioned and make sure you become an expert in identifying chicanery and racketeers when you come across them. They will be the ones with the gravy down their shirts, and depending on their gender perhaps their skirts. But who knows, they might be cross dressers for all we know, since they also get their facts so easily confused, the same might apply to their dress sense too?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2114173/Child-care-scandal-The-unqualified-experts-advise-family-courts.html

Written by Paul Manning.

Abba Father. The new Blog for dads rights.

Hello, my name is Paul Manning, welcome to my new Blog, ‘Abba Father’.

After many months of pondering deely and seriously over whether I should get involved with a particular issue, that over the years has concerned me greatly, I eventually decided to bite the bullet and actually get on with it. As for ‘the issue’ I shall come to that in a moment.

So, why the name “Abba Father”, am I referring to a Swedish phenomenon of the seventies? (who, by the way, I adored!) err… NO? The word “Abba” is from the ancient language of Aramaic and is written in this form: אבא. This was the language used in the writing of the early books of the bible, and literally means, Father. The word has been further popularized to have a more personal and distinct meaning, that of “daddy” or “papa”, but this application of the word appears mostly in urban legend, nevertheless I would much prefer it, for its more affectionate qualities. However, all meanings of the word father will suffice for my needs in my quest in promoting the rights of fathers, yes you’ve guessed it, “The issue”.

The issue.

After having been through the family courts here in Sheffield, and for over 4 years of my life, I was so appalled by the total bias in favour of mothers that I was moved and determined to do something about it, in trying to reform the whole sorry state of affairs for fathers. Now, let’s get this straight right from the outset, Abba Father, is not, I repeat, not, against mothers. Mothers are not to blame for the present situation in regard to family law, although I have to say they appear to benefit from it far more than we fathers do. Because of the courts unfair and heartless decisions I lost contact with a son that I was the main carer of and had brought up from birth right to the schooling age of six. This so much broke my heart and angered me so intensely that I was compelled to act rather than continuing in the deep depressive hole I was in that gave me no outlet.

So, this is why I decided to set up Abba Father, as a way of expression and a way to help other fathers who have been through the same hell of the family courts. You may feel that you are fully aware of what is happening in the Family Courts of Great Britain but, I can assure you unless you have been through them, unless you have experienced them for yourselves the debasement the sheer frustration and humiliation, then you know absolutely nothing! There are to many fathers out there that live in emotional pain everyday of their lives, many who have not been able to go on and sadly decided the way out was to commit suicide, some of which I knew personally. Once you come to realize the truth by experience and you see what is happening with your own eyes, then it becomes impossible, as a caring human being, to sit on the side lines and do nothing, you just have to act!

Abba father will be a place where these dads can come, to express their stories and feelings as an outlet for their pain and distress. And I want to assure you all that I want to hear and listen to them all. Here will be the place to discuss how we can make a change to the present laws on this issue and how we can force our members of Parliament to represent us in a more caring and active way, many of which know little of how unfair the system is to fathers who scream out to see their loved ones.

I am not saying that I can do all this on my own, far from it. I need your help, I need your input and support and maybe even some of your love for your fellow-man. I do not care much for hate or anyone that try’s to drive in the wedge of making this an issue of gender, this is far to important an issue for that. This is not about the sexes or about doing down mothers. What it is about is human rights and equality for all parents to see their own children equally. For surely this must be what all good societies must be based on, the right and the freedom to bring up our own children free from unnecessary state intervention. Children are suffering greatly at the hands of state decisions that have separated them from good and caring fathers, this cannot be right and the injustices go on even under the very noses of our politicians. It has to stop before more of the ones we love end up as drug addicts or alcoholics or delinquent street urchins without the role of a father in their lives to help prevent it. It has been proven that children who have both parents in their lives do substantially better than those who have only one, even if those parents are separated from each other. Our children are our future and we need to make sure that they do not grow up in a world where it is ‘normal’ for them to think that dads play no role whatsoever in their lives, but this is the state of affairs we are likely to have if the courts have their way. Abba Father is a blog where we can share our ideas and work out what we want for the future for all of our children. I ask you to help me, I ask that we get this matter sorted out once and for all.

“With the hands of few maybe in time a mountain will eventually be moved. But with the minds and hands of the many we will invent and make many a mountain.”

Peace to you all. Paul Manning.